Sep 27

Terrible First Lines

Yesterday, I posted my all-time favorite first line. Today, here are some hilariously terrible first lines from novels. You can read all 33 at Thought Catalog. Thanks to The Passive Voice for publishing an excerpt.

6. Jordan Kaderli

Betty had eyes that said come here, lips that said kiss me, arms and torso that said hold me all night long, but the rest of her body said, “Fillet me, cover me in cornmeal, and fry me in peanut oil”; romance wasn’t easy for a mermaid.

27. Linda Boatright

Corinne considered the colors (palest green, gray and lavender) and texture (downy as the finest velvet) and wondered, “How long have these cold cuts been in my refrigerator?”

33. Mary E. Patrick

As I gardened, gazing towards the autumnal sky, I longed to run my finger through the trail of mucus left by a single speckled slug – innocuously thrusting past my rhododendrons – and in feeling that warm slime, be swept back to planet Alderon, back into the tentacles of the alien who loved me.

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